Monthly Archives: December 2018

What Is Your Real BS About Relationships

What do you really believe about relationships, starting with yourself?

It is widely accepted that about 90% of our belief system (BS) was formed by the age of 7. To know what we really believe about relationships would be critical as it has shaped how we view them today at least to the extend that we have not re-programmed our BS.

The part of our mind that has a goal or desire is not the part that carry’s out the goal. Said another way, the part of our mind that really wants an amazing relationship whether we are single or not, is not the part that ultimately determines and creates that amazing relationship. We can say we really want to improve our relationship(s) and even take steps towards that yet our BS will determine what really happens. Our BS lives in our subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind is also where our inner judge lies.

Think for a moment about your computer and all your files and programs on your computer; many are hidden in folders and you may not see them right away but they are there. Some of the programs are working undetected to give you results. This is akin to the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is very powerful operating systems where approximately 95% of the programs/beliefs we have may be hidden away just like a submerged iceberg or the hidden files on your computer.

How can we learn what our operating system really is in regards to relationships if so much of it is hidden in our subconscious?

Here’s a huge clue to what our true beliefs are about relationships and I know it sounds so simple yet when we grasp this we can begin to transform disempowering beliefs and sometimes rather quickly.

The Clue: look around in your life… what’s working what’s not… where do you have longings or discontent? Wherever things are not as you desire that is where you have a hidden belief about yourself or others that is keeping you from loving courageously… so it’s crucial to uncover this and do a deeper dive to learn more.

When we understand is how powerful mind we think with is and how it works we can begin to change things and take things to a whole new trajectory

In my own marriage, after the fabulous honeymoon period had waned, I had one foot out the door and was not fully committed to my marriage. This did not create a lot of trust between us so say the least! I didn’t understand back then what was driving my thoughts and actions. It was my BS that people couldn’t be trusted and that I had to protect myself by leaving first. Until I uncovered this and re-programmed it our relationship was challenged.

If we want to create an amazing relationship and have the ease and grace that comes with truly connecting with our partner or other loved ones we must be willing to do the deep dive and uncover our BS.

Six Important Facts No One Tells You About Relationships

Most of us have many dreams about what relationships will be like or should be like. We’ve lived with these dreams forever, so when the real thing happens, and we find ourselves in a relationship reality can be quite a shock. Some people feel tricked, trapped or like failures. Others do everything under the sun to change their partner, change themselves, or figure out why their marriage is different from the way they thought it would be.

The first step in truly understanding relationships, however, is to realize that what we dream about or imagine, is not necessarily what is going to happen to us. And that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with ourselves or our relationship. It just means that we didn’t know what to truly expect.

Here are six facts that no one ever told you about relationships that is important for you to understand. When you do, you’ll find that many of the tangles loosen and as you relax your relationship can grow naturally.

Number 1) Relationships are not static.

They can, will and must change. No two people stay the same during the course of a life time. Their needs, wishes, and interests vary. It is unreasonable to expect that relationship partners will always grow and change in the same ways, at the same time. This has to be accepted and included in the relationship. It is not necessary for the two of you to always think the same way, like the same things, or be in the same place at the same time. Just because you may have different tastes or interests doesn’t mean that the two of you aren’t in love. For relationships to remain vital and healthy it is necessary to have a core of mutual interests, activities and desires, but, it is also crucial to make room for differences between you. This doesn’t necessarily mean you are growing apart. It may just mean that you are growing, and will have even more love and understanding to bring to your partner in the long run.

Number 2) Romantic feelings of excitement, intoxication and infatuation necessarily wax and wane.

Many people expect to feel “in love” with their partner on a daily basis. By this they mean having romantic feelings of excitement and infatuation, feeling as though they can’t wait to see the person, and miss them if they’re gone. These individuals must learn the crucial difference between loving a partner and being “in love”. Romantic feelings of excitement, intoxication and infatuation necessarily wax and wane. There are times they appear and are very enjoyable -other times they fade into the background. This does not mean something is wrong or that you do not love each other. Love is not based upon fluctuating feelings, but upon a solid foundation of mutual respect, consideration and communication. Although it is wonderful and important to set aside time for romantic time together, the daily on-goingness of life requires a much deeper understanding of what it means to truly love. Love is often tested in the fire, and frequently sacrifice is needed. In order to truly love, one must grow as a person, and that is what relationships are for – to help us grow in our ability to discover what love really is..

Number 3) Love is not dependency.

It’s all right to be who you are, be different from him, have friends and activities of your own. It’s also all right, to give him time with his friends and private space. Love always includes trust of the other, and the knowledge that the more your partner is able to enjoy others, the more he will be able to enjoy being with you. The less you suffocate and possess him, the more he will want to be with you. The less you let him suffocate you, the more you will love him and the more he will respect you. It’s fine to be two, separate, whole people. From that basis, a lot of love can grow.

Number 4) Being angry doesn’t mean you do not love each other.

Some feel that as soon as they are angry with their partner or their partner is angry with them the love has gone out the window. Of course, if anger goes on for too long, or is not dealt with properly, it certainly can erode the quality of a relationship. But being angry is not a sign that he doesn’t love you, or you him. It is simply a sign that it is time for good, open, honest, careful communication to take place. On-going communication is the heart and soul of every good relationship.

When we bottle up our needs and feelings and pretend to be who we are not, then all that has been hidden will explode through anger. But, when we recognize anger, irritation or resentment as it arises, and freely discuss our needs or responses with our partner, not only does the anger diminish, but our relationship grows closer. Take anger as a sign that you are being an opportunity to communicate more and know each other better. Let it make you closer, not further apart.

Number 5) Even though you’re together all the time, you still must make time for one another.

Actually, you must actually carve out more time for each other when you live together. Living together it’s easy to take one another’s presence for granted. But just because the person is there physically, does not necessarily mean you’re sharing quality time. Children, errands, pressures at work and social obligations can create a whir of activity, but not intimate time between the two of you. Carve out intimate time when the two of you are alone. Go some place special. Make time to talk and hug. Make time to have fun alone. This is a wonderful refresher to every marriage and should be done at least weekly.

Number 6) Being together for a long time doesn’t have to take the magic away.

It’s wonderful to have someone at your side, who you share experiences with year after year. There is no way to replace a person who you’ve gone through many years with, sharing common experiences and memories. The sense of continuity and trust that can develop between you is a jewel. It is wonderful to wake up each morning, knowing this person is at your side. As the years pass you know each other better and better, whatever happens you both know there is someone there for you, who understands what you are going through. As our ability to share grows, the burdens of life diminish greatly, and the joys intensify as well.

It is About Relationship Building

If you open a dollar store you will soon discover that the most successful stores are built on strong relationships. Those relationships involve employees, customers, suppliers and vendors and the community. Long term growth and success are built on those relationships.

Vendors and Suppliers Reps are in touch with the business world. Often they are the first to spot market trends. Knowing those trends when you open a dollar store can put your store ahead of the curve as new hot products enter the market. They also can save you from losses when you are among the first to know about products that have fallen out a favor.

Customer relationships are the very foundation of long term growth and sales success. It doesn’t matter whether you have the hottest products. It doesn’t matter whether your store is the most conveniently located. When you open a dollar store you will soon find that if you and your employees have failed to establish a solid relationship with shoppers you are doomed to struggle.

Establishing a solid relationship with all of your employees is important to employee retention and all of the associated benefits. It is also one of the keys to having every employee aligned regarding company values and direction. When you open a dollar store employees are generally the first and last to deal with shoppers. A staff of well-trained, committed employees is an important step down the path to success.

When you open a dollar store you will soon find that community relationships are another key to success. Community relationships include ties to schools, other businesses, community business groups, and others. By maintaining strong ties to the community your name and the good deeds that you perform become well-known to all.

Myths About Relationship

We humans have preconceived notions about most things. More often than not these notions prevent us from being open minded. In fact, sometimes it is these pearls of wisdom which we hold so dear to our hearts that come in the way of our completely understanding or enjoying a certain situation.

Relationships are the building blocks of a successful life. But so many of us suffer because of the fixed notions we have about relationships. These notions (which are not always correct or even well thought out) are the yardsticks by which we judge the success or failure of our relationships. So, here are some myths about relationships demystified.

Myth no 1: A great relationship is one in which the partners do not keep secrets. One in which they can vent out all their feelings. This may be true to a certain extent but it certainly isn’t entirely true. A lot of the things we say during these ‘venting out’ sessions are very often things which do not represent our true feelings. Though they are how we think really feel at that point in time.

However, these feelings should not be communicated – more so, if they are potentially destructive. When one of the partners ends up blurting out something really hurtful in the heat of the moment it might damage the relationship permanently.

Because, sometimes people find it hard to forgive some things that have been said during these venting sessions.

Myth no 2: One of the most important ingredients of a great relationship is romance. It is true that love and romance do play an important role in laying the foundation stone of a good and strong relationship. But, if your definition of romance is the kind of stuff you see in movies then you are in for great disappointment. As you grow in a marriage then the initial passion makes way for a more secure and dependable kind of love.

Myth no 3: Two people who think alike or two like minded people are best suited to build a good relationship. A good relationship is one that enriches your life and not one which is a mirror image of it. Besides, it is impossible that you will be able to see things exactly as your partner does because one person is genetically, physiologically, psychologically and historically different from the other.

Myth no 4: If the partners in a relationship are not able to solve problems that arise in a relationship then the relationship is a failure. Because, it is a fact that most of the problems that one faces in a relationship do not have definite solution. The closest one can get to solving these problems is agree to disagree and reach an emotional closure.

Myth no 5: A great relationship is one in which the partners do not fight or argue. Again a misnomer. Every person who has been in a meaningful relationship fights and argues. However, the difference is that they don’t abandon the issue and attack the self-worth of their partner.

Myth no 6: There is a set formula for achieving success in a relationship. The whole business of building a relationship is based on trial and error. Hence there can be no set rule for success.

Figure out what works for you rather than following some standard rule you might have read in a book or heard from a well-meaning friend. If what you and your partner are doing is generating the results you want, stick with it. Even if you think a certain rule is working out for you the thing to remember is not to follow even that rule rigidly!

We Can Learn About Relationships

It is regrettable we do not have a chance to study about relationships when we are in school. Relationships are something all of us will have to cope with in our lives. We are educated in reading, writing and arithmetic but the one thing that affects us the most emotionally is left to us to work out on our own.

It is mostly hit and miss for us when we take care of relationship issues, not really sure what to do. Many times when it gets rough, we will give up and break up. If we knew more about what we were doing or had more patience we could salvage these relationships. The only relationships we should not save are those that are abusive or really bad.

What can take place is we just give up too early. We might be angry and hurt and feel like the easiest way out is to leave. We tend to think about what is happening currently and forget the good times we have had with our partners. If things had been doing great in the relationship at one time, why can it not be good again?

No relationship is perfect so you should not expect perfection. When you and your partner get into an disagreement, it should not be viewed as the end of the world. Now, if the issue is cheating then you have a different situation to deal with. With cheating you will have to overcome lost of trust, but it can be done. Many relationships have survived someone cheating and still gone on to long lives together.

When things get tough do not give up hope, you can work out your differences and avoid a break up or divorce. Even if just one of you make an attempt at fixing things, you still have a good chance of getting your relationship back on track.